Loving a Lie
by Truthfully Lying
Summary: Sometimes, when the difference between loving a lie and lying to love narrows to a thin string, there really is no difference between the two at all. Such a loving lie will never save a heart from hurt... I'm sorry I only just learnt that, Len.


A/N: Because emo stories are my speciality. And because Igx's 'Imitation Black' is currently going on a continuous loop on youtube... AND IS AWESOME! I perfer his version to the original, Vocaloid one~ (Partly because his is an English dub XD) Happy reading~

DISCLAIMER: *twitch* Again? . ... Vocaloid doesn't belong to me. BUT IT WILL ONCE I TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

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**KAGAMINE RIN'S DIARY (Wholly private!)**

**March 29**

You told me that you loved me. That you loved how serious I was, how calm I was. You told me that you loved how slow I walked and how sensitive I was to the feelings of others. You told me that no matter what, you'd continue to love me.

Would you, Len? Would you still love me if you knew how I really am?

I am not the calm, composed, mature girl you know. I love smiling, and I love smiles. I love laughs too, and I love the sun. I love running around until I'm dizzy and crashing to the ground, exhausted. I love jumping around and skipping around. I love to sing at random moments, 'Because it's so fun!' for lack of a better reason. I love being happy, and being emotional.

Would you still love me like this, Len?

I love you, Len. I really, truly, completely, utterly love you. I can't help myself. I love your eyes, your hands, your voice. I love how you look directly at others, and how you tell others how you feel without leaving them in the dark and guessing blindly. I love how you can be so kind, and at the same time mean. I love your over-protectiveness and I love that you get jealous so easily because of me. I love that you would give up anything for the people you care about, I love how loyal you are to your family and to your friends. I love how you love me.

I don't want to lose you, Len. But if you met me, the true me, then I'd definitely lose you. I know that I would lose you, because I see it all, Len. I see your looks of disgust when kids our age run past, screaming and laughing. I see your scorn when they throw tantrums and sulk in public. I hear your comments on how other kids should learn to act their age, should learn to be more mature, should learn from me.

I cringe when I hear that, Len, you just never see me do it.

I guess that I'm partly to blame for your drastic misinterpretation of my personality. You see, I'm not someone who is very good at expressing my feelings and showing my emotions. When I want to laugh like mad, all I can manage is a weak smile. When I feel like crying in pain or sorrow, the most I am able to do is scowl or frown. I hate this. I want to be able to express my emotions freely, Len. I want to be able to whine, and pout, and beam, and laugh until my sides hurt. I want the world to know that I'm not an emotionless block of wood.

And yet, at the same time, I don't want this.

Because you would leave me in disgust and never look back. I don't want you to go away, I don't want you to be with someone else. When I'm with you... That's the only time I'm grateful for my lack of facial expressions. It makes it easier to be who you want to believe I am.

It's because of your love, Len, that I lie. I lie and pretend and act and fake. All so you would continue to love me. All so I won't lose you. I'm afraid, Len. I'm always afraid that one day, you'll find out who I really am. I never want that to happen. But even I can't keep up this brilliant facade forever. I already need to pour out my feelings in this little diary. My mask will crack one day, Len. I only can hope that you aren't there to see it.

**END**

~.~

**KAGAMINE RIN'S DIARY (Wholly private!)**

**June 13**

Hey. You know what I found out, Len?

Firstly, that weird green thing that Miku loves so much isn't actually a leek. It's something called _negi_. That's so weird. Even weirder than the vegetable/fruit/thing? itself. I'll never tell you this in real life, of course. That will ruin the whole 'calm and serious' thing.

That's sad. There're so many things I want to tell you. Like how Kaito and Meiko mixed vanilla ice cream and beer together and ate their strange concoction, whereby they both had terrible stomach aches and hangovers.

And! And! Oliver's bird went to taste some of the ice-cream-beer and it got really sick! The whole scene was hilarious!

And also-

Wait.

This wasn't the point…

Um.

Shall we start over again?

~.~

**KAGAMINE RIN'S DIARY (Wholly private!)**

**June 13**

Hey. You know what I found out, Len?

When the difference between 'Loving a lie' and 'Lying to love' narrows to a thin string, there really is no notable difference at all. Such a lie, no matter how loving or affectionate or kind it is, will never save a heart from hurt.

I'm sorry I only just realized this, Len.

**END**

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A/N: SO. There's the prologue down. I hope it's sounds good... It might be a bit cliche... Is it? ._.

Anyways.

Yeah.

Oh, yes. This won't be plainly in diary format! In fact, it's not diary format most of the time! I just thought that making Rin's diary as the prologue would be good. :D Was it?


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